When I have ceased to break my wings
Against the faultiness of things
And learned that compromises wait
Behind each hardly opened gate
When I can look life in the eyes
Grown calm and very coldly wise
Life will have given me the truth
And taken in exchange ....
..... my youth.
~~ Sarah Teasdale

so CM called last night... out of the blue... after 10+ years... wants to get re-acquainted...

so crazy... had just been complaining to JC - like "where have all the intelligent men gone" and God sends a Genius my way.... this guy was beyond bright...

i dont even have time to mourn....

any more surprises Lord?

This has been a year i want to forget in a hurry.... for many reasons.... just when you think the worst is over and things are beginning to look up, something else happens...

Then this week it all began to make sense... when things were put in perspective... ever been through a purging period... when God appears to be getting rid of all the junk in your life? ...people and things that encumber... that's what it feels like

Means I'm about to come up to a higher level, and for that... I am thankful

Been through heartbreak twice this year... First, my best pal, someone i've known for over half my life just walked out, no explanation... then just last week... got fired from a job i loved... the way it was done i'll never fathom... summary dismissal, no explanation....

Then something that was said in a movie i watched makes a lot of sense:

When the heart breaks
It also opens
And when the heart opens
So many things can happen
And some of those things can be wonderful.

I still have a loving family and wonderful friends, so....

Looking forward to better days :-)

10 reasons why you'll never notice me

1. You like loud, aggressive, cruel women. I'm Miss Too Nice.
2. Looks really count. I'm quite pretty actually, but quite pretty is not enough for you. I'd have to be a bombshell.
3. You are cold. I am emotional.
4. You are younger.
5. You are too much for me. You are fun-loving and adventurous - I'm veeery laid back, and only relish excitement occasionally.
6. Our values are at opposite ends of the universe.
7.
8.
9.
10.
ok... so my mind is blank right now... still trying to deal with everything that's happened... to figure out why..... was it revenge?

abt yesterday....
wow, been thru a whole lot this year and i've held up pretty well... but yesterday.... for real that was the first time things hit below the belt, which prolly means my priorities are all screwed up, considering everything i've taken this year without flinching...
Maybe it was just the straw that broke the camel's back...
Or not.

Wow.... any more shocks, Lord? I'm pretty much at the bottom right now.... I could do with a break....

feel like an idiot... allowing myself to get my heart 'broken' twice by the same person.... shoulda seen this coming.... why did i EVER put myself in this position.... so easy to kid oneself that it could never be so there's no possibility of being hurt, but for real... IT HURTS LIKE HELL...

dont wanna see another sunrise.... there's no point...............

Every time I see the kind of preacher that insists on wearing a collar ascend the pulpit, I catch myself bracing for one of those sermons that drag on until blessed relief comes at 1pm. Usually I'm not wrong. Including today. But as we sang the recessional hymn it kinda made going to church worth it ... a song that I've not sung since waaaay back when, during Sunday school days... twas my favorite... Anyone identify?

It only takes a spark to get a fire going,
And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing;
That's how it is with God's Love,
Once you've experienced it,
Your spread His love to everyone
You want to pass it on.

What a wondrous time is spring,
When all the tress are budding
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming;
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it.
You want to sing, it's fresh like spring,
You want to pass it on.

I wish for you my friend
This happiness that I've found;
You can depend on God
It matters not where you're bound,
I'll shout it from the mountain top
I want the world to know
The Lord of Love has come to me
I want to pass it on.

You are gone
awhile
Though I cant text you
or call you
or even call you my friend
You are always in my thoughts
Sometimes it is
a memory of something we shared
Wondering if you remember
and hoping u dont
Other times it is
an incident in my life
that I imagine myself
telling you about
Or wondering what it would be like
If we were friends
.....
and today
I miss you