for rh - thank you

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Dreams surely are difficult, confusing, and not everything in them is brought to pass for mankind. For fleeting dreams have two gates: one is fashioned of horn and one of ivory. Those which pass through the one of sawn ivory are deceptive, bringing tidings which come to nought, but those which issue from the one of polished horn bring true results.

lawyer vs actuary vs ...

In response to "How much is two plus two?":

a marketing VP will say "22";

an accountant will say "4.00";

a mathematician will say "I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following proof ... ";

an actuary will ask "What do you want it to equal?";

a lawyer will say "it's 4, but with charges it's 12."

Questions without answers

It's 5:59 a.m.... been working since 11 p.m. last night. Just before i get my beauty sleep, some thoughts:

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If a tortoise doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Is there another word for synonym?
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Proverbs with a twist

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Police quote:
In God we trust, all others are suspects.

Real tombstone inscriptions

Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body

of Jonathan Blake

Stepped on the gas

Instead of the brake.

Anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.

Who, is no business Of yours.

In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.

It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist

All dressed up

And no place to go.