Monday, December 15, 2008

going virtual...

(Lisa Payette/ Jacques Veneruso)

Je cherche l'ombre
Pour danser avec toi mon amour
Sur ces musiques anciennes
qui reviennent en mémoire
Quand le soleil s'éteint et que revient le soir

Je cherche l'ombre
Pour nous mettre à l'abri mon amour
Pour découvir ton corps,
loin de toute lumière
Et pour t'aimer encore comme une étrangère

Je cherche l'ombre
Pour éteindre le feu mon amour
Qui dévore mon âme
et brûle dans mes veines
De ce désir infâme qui en moi se déchaîne

Je cherche l'ombre
Pour pleurer avec toi mon amour
Sur cette vie trop courte
qui file entre nos doigts
Et qui mange les jours en m'éloignant de toi

Je cherche l'ombre

Je cherche l'ombre
Comme on cherche un ami mon amour
Qui nous prendra la main,
sans larmes, sans chagrin
Pour nous conduire ailleurs,
cacher notre bonheur

Cacher notre bonheur

Thursday, December 11, 2008

oh no, not another lawyer joke...

A lawyer, a doctor and a pastor were gathered at the deathbed of a rich but dying client. He motioned to them to come closer, and whispered: "You know, in all my years, you three have been the only people I've trusted. I would not like to go down to my grave empty-handed so I'm divvying up my entire life savings between the three of you.... when my coffin is being lowered, please throw in the briefcases containing the money I shall give you." And he proceeded to hand each one of them a briefcase with 10 million kenya shillings.

A few weeks after the funeral, the three men met for lunch. The lawyer confessed: "You know, jst before d-day, my wife had to undergo surgery - i have to admit i withdrew 30% of the funds to cover the expenses - i'm sure bwana tycoon won't mind too much..."

The other two men commiserated.

Then the doctor spoke up: "Yeah, in my case, I have an addiction I wanted to end completely - gambling... I had accumulated humongous debts and had to withdraw 50% of the funds to cover my debts. But it's all history now, I'll never enter a gambling den again, thanks to our good friend. I have learnt my lesson."

The other two listened without a word.

Finally the pastor spoke up: "You know, much as i understand where you two are coming from, I was able to resist temptation. I can honestly say I did my duty - while the coffin was being lowered into the grave, I threw in a cheque for the full amount!"

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Become real

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Excerpt from
THE
Velveteen Rabbit
OR
HOW TOYS BECOME REAL
by Margery Williams

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

When I have ceased to break my wings
Against the faultiness of things
And learned that compromises wait
Behind each hardly opened gate
When I can look life in the eyes
Grown calm and very coldly wise
Life will have given me the truth
And taken in exchange ....
..... my youth.
~~ Sarah Teasdale

Monday, November 3, 2008

so CM called last night... out of the blue... after 10+ years... wants to get re-acquainted...

so crazy... had just been complaining to JC - like "where have all the intelligent men gone" and God sends a Genius my way.... this guy was beyond bright...

i dont even have time to mourn....

any more surprises Lord?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

This has been a year i want to forget in a hurry.... for many reasons.... just when you think the worst is over and things are beginning to look up, something else happens...

Then this week it all began to make sense... when things were put in perspective... ever been through a purging period... when God appears to be getting rid of all the junk in your life? ...people and things that encumber... that's what it feels like

Means I'm about to come up to a higher level, and for that... I am thankful

Been through heartbreak twice this year... First, my best pal, someone i've known for over half my life just walked out, no explanation... then just last week... got fired from a job i loved... the way it was done i'll never fathom... summary dismissal, no explanation....

Then something that was said in a movie i watched makes a lot of sense:

When the heart breaks
It also opens
And when the heart opens
So many things can happen
And some of those things can be wonderful.


I still have a loving family and wonderful friends, so....

Looking forward to better days :-)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

10 reasons why you'll never notice me

1. You like loud, aggressive, cruel women. I'm Miss Too Nice.
2. Looks really count. I'm quite pretty actually, but quite pretty is not enough for you. I'd have to be a bombshell.
3. You are cold. I am emotional.
4. You are younger.
5. You are too much for me. You are fun-loving and adventurous - I'm veeery laid back, and only relish excitement occasionally.
6. Our values are at opposite ends of the universe.
7.
8.
9.
10.
ok... so my mind is blank right now... still trying to deal with everything that's happened... to figure out why..... was it revenge?
abt yesterday....
wow, been thru a whole lot this year and i've held up pretty well... but yesterday.... for real that was the first time things hit below the belt, which prolly means my priorities are all screwed up, considering everything i've taken this year without flinching...
Maybe it was just the straw that broke the camel's back...
Or not.

Wow.... any more shocks, Lord? I'm pretty much at the bottom right now.... I could do with a break....

feel like an idiot... allowing myself to get my heart 'broken' twice by the same person.... shoulda seen this coming.... why did i EVER put myself in this position.... so easy to kid oneself that it could never be so there's no possibility of being hurt, but for real... IT HURTS LIKE HELL...

dont wanna see another sunrise.... there's no point...............

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Every time I see the kind of preacher that insists on wearing a collar ascend the pulpit, I catch myself bracing for one of those sermons that drag on until blessed relief comes at 1pm. Usually I'm not wrong. Including today. But as we sang the recessional hymn it kinda made going to church worth it ... a song that I've not sung since waaaay back when, during Sunday school days... twas my favorite... Anyone identify?

It only takes a spark to get a fire going,
And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing;
That's how it is with God's Love,
Once you've experienced it,
Your spread His love to everyone
You want to pass it on.

What a wondrous time is spring,
When all the tress are budding
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming;
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it.
You want to sing, it's fresh like spring,
You want to pass it on.

I wish for you my friend
This happiness that I've found;
You can depend on God
It matters not where you're bound,
I'll shout it from the mountain top
I want the world to know
The Lord of Love has come to me
I want to pass it on.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

You are gone
awhile
Though I cant text you
or call you
or even call you my friend
You are always in my thoughts
Sometimes it is
a memory of something we shared
Wondering if you remember
and hoping u dont
Other times it is
an incident in my life
that I imagine myself
telling you about
Or wondering what it would be like
If we were friends
.....
and today
I miss you

Friday, October 17, 2008

10 things

10 things i like about you:
1. You are crazy and funny
2. You are the most adventurous person i know
3. The sound of your voice....
4. Your daring and courage.
5. You are shrewd.
6. You are a believer and a doer.
7. You listen.
8. You love life.
9. You are full of ideas and surprises.
10. You are (almost) as much of a workaholic as I am.

10 things I admire about you
1. Your strength
2. Your virility
3. Your take-charge approach to matters
4. Your tastes
5. Your thorough maleness
6. Your intelligence
7. Your way with people
8. Your knowledge
9. Your perceptions
10. Your savviness.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

In and Out of Time

by Maya Angelou

The sun has come
the mists have gone
we see in the distance
our long way home

I was always yours to have
you were always mine
we have loved each other
in and out of time

When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I have always loved you more

You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance
lost, injured, hurt by chance

I screamed to the Heavens
loudly screamed
trying to change our nightmares
into dreams

The sun has come
the mists have gone
we see in the distance
our long way home

I was yours to have
and you were always mine
we loved each other
In and out of time

---

I would never admit to anyone - ever - who i think of every time i read this poem

Monday, September 22, 2008

Dear White fella

Coupla ting you orta No
Firstly,
When I am born, I'm black
When I grow up, I'm black
when I get sick, I'm black
When I go out ina sun, I'm black
When I'm cold, I'm black
When I get scared, jees I'm black
And when I die, I'm still black

But white fellah...
when you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you sick, you green
When you ina sun, you go red
When you cold, you go blue
When you get scared, you yellow
And when you die, you purple

And you got the cheek to call me colored??

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

We sigh for the joys that were coming, and never came;
We sit in the dark and weep, with our hearts aflame;
We feel the crush and the grind of the silent mill
Feel the crush and the grind, while our lips are still.

What, then! shall we spurn our life as a broken thing ?
Shall we fling a curse in the face of Heaven’s King ?
Happy is he who keepeth his trust through all;
He may shrink and shiver, and falter, but shall not fall.

By Ellen P. Allerton.
(last two verses)

Monday, August 4, 2008

for the first time in a very long time, i am thirsty for a stiff drink

it's the only thing that truly relaxes me. that and a good cry during a good movie.

i dont consider myself an imbiber. I'll take a sip or two glasses or even an entire bottle if I'm in exceptionally good company, and then I wont think about the stuff for months

but today - i wish someone would pour me a stiff drink.

i saw my ex today. he's doing so well - new suit, new car, new girl... the works... and I havent even raised 1/3 of my rent due 2moro yet.

life sucks sometimes.

how about that drink?

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Unexpected friends

There are those unexpected high moments that will stay with one forever. Sometimes you just have to stand still and let the good stuff pour in.........

When the dark closes in hard
And the walls of my fortress of faith
Crumble in on me
When it seems like the end
Not a measure of strength to spend
I see the hand of a stranger stretched out
Toward me

With some unexpected friends
Never asking where I have been
Just a hand of mercy and words of kindness
Call me back again
Oh, it feels like home
With unexpected friends

A soothing balm for the lows
I walk through along the way
A shared prayer giving courage
And hope for another day
Through the help of my friends

Ones I may never see again
Seems like angels that were
sent by heaven for me

With some unexpected friends
Never asking where I have been
Just a hand of mercy and words of kindness
call me back again
Oh, it feels like home
With unexpected friends

-Sandi Patti

Nothing new under the sun....

Monday, April 14, 2008

19 years - gone

Mon amie ma seule confidente
Ne pleure toutes les larmes de ton corps
Il s'en va mais remonte la pente
Rien n'est vraiment grave exceptee la mort

Tu peux eblouir ta vie
Avec l'ombre d'une chance
Quand tu crois que tout fini
C'est l'instant ou tout commence
Recommence

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

40 Qs

I love doing these at the start of each year..... always gives one a chance to look back, re-evaluate and restrategise... well, at least it gets the process off to a good start. So here goes for 2007/2008

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Started a degree in Economics.
Something I'm not telling.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t remember making any resolutions last year. This year my resolutions include:
• Aerobics at least 3 times a week
• Read through the New Testament
• Exams: GMAT in Feb, Actuarial in Apr/May, at lease one I.T. exam/course
• Add at least 10 pple to my network.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Mrs-T in Feb ... beautiful baby girl.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
None

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
More clients. Opportunities to travel abroad.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory?
July 6th – discovered (rather belatedly) my life’s calling.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Designing my first two live websites.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Trusting before testing.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Two colds, one especially bad. Otherwise i enjoyed good health.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My new Texas Instruments calculator. No one would understand this unless they understood the trouble i had to go thru to get this particular make. Eventually found it 5000 miles away.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
MK

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
RO

14. Where did most of your money go?
Computers. Bought a new PC after giving in to prodding/bullying/constant teasing from a colleague about my insistence on hanging on to my outdated ancient piece. Invested heavily in large brandname monitor, lots of memory, great system unit, good quality accessories, beautiful casing, the works, just to have it nicked barely a month later, so i was determined to replace it with an even better model. i did.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
(see 11 above).

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2007?
Songs by Melinda Doolittle and Blake Lewis on American Idol. Their choices were uncanny - always seemed to reflect what was on my mind at the time.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
• happier or sadder? About the same
• thinner or fatter? fatter
• richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading. Exams. Career development.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Whiling away the time. Daydreaming.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At PnMK’s place - Xmas party.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
rh

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
No.

23. How many one night stands in this last year?
None. I dont do one night stands. Never have, never plan to.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
So you think you can dance. American Idol. Survivor. Grey’s Anatomy.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. Hate is a waste of time and energy.

26. What was the best book(s) you read?
Didnt do much reading. Maybe 'The Millionaire Next Door.'

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Corneille.

28. What did you want and get?
Some good company.
My new Texas Instruments calculator. ok, yeah i know - enough already with the calc..

29. What did you want and not get?
An apology from a.l

30. What were your favourite films of this year?
You, Me & Dupree. Hilarious. Also watched 'Wedding Crashers' again - couldnt get enough of Owen Wilson this year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Was taken out to dinner by CN at Panari – lovely.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A better-paying job.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Casual

34. What kept you sane?
Music. TV. good preaching. QT.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Matthew McConaughey.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Dec elections.

37. Who did you miss?
No one. I live close to most of my family.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Didnt meet any particularly interesting person this year.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007
Your actions speak so loudly i cant hear what you are saying.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
Iris – Goo goo dolls