This has been a year i want to forget in a hurry.... for many reasons.... just when you think the worst is over and things are beginning to look up, something else happens...

Then this week it all began to make sense... when things were put in perspective... ever been through a purging period... when God appears to be getting rid of all the junk in your life? ...people and things that encumber... that's what it feels like

Means I'm about to come up to a higher level, and for that... I am thankful

Been through heartbreak twice this year... First, my best pal, someone i've known for over half my life just walked out, no explanation... then just last week... got fired from a job i loved... the way it was done i'll never fathom... summary dismissal, no explanation....

Then something that was said in a movie i watched makes a lot of sense:

When the heart breaks
It also opens
And when the heart opens
So many things can happen
And some of those things can be wonderful.

I still have a loving family and wonderful friends, so....

Looking forward to better days :-)

10 reasons why you'll never notice me

1. You like loud, aggressive, cruel women. I'm Miss Too Nice.
2. Looks really count. I'm quite pretty actually, but quite pretty is not enough for you. I'd have to be a bombshell.
3. You are cold. I am emotional.
4. You are younger.
5. You are too much for me. You are fun-loving and adventurous - I'm veeery laid back, and only relish excitement occasionally.
6. Our values are at opposite ends of the universe.
7.
8.
9.
10.
ok... so my mind is blank right now... still trying to deal with everything that's happened... to figure out why..... was it revenge?

abt yesterday....
wow, been thru a whole lot this year and i've held up pretty well... but yesterday.... for real that was the first time things hit below the belt, which prolly means my priorities are all screwed up, considering everything i've taken this year without flinching...
Maybe it was just the straw that broke the camel's back...
Or not.

Wow.... any more shocks, Lord? I'm pretty much at the bottom right now.... I could do with a break....

feel like an idiot... allowing myself to get my heart 'broken' twice by the same person.... shoulda seen this coming.... why did i EVER put myself in this position.... so easy to kid oneself that it could never be so there's no possibility of being hurt, but for real... IT HURTS LIKE HELL...

dont wanna see another sunrise.... there's no point...............

Every time I see the kind of preacher that insists on wearing a collar ascend the pulpit, I catch myself bracing for one of those sermons that drag on until blessed relief comes at 1pm. Usually I'm not wrong. Including today. But as we sang the recessional hymn it kinda made going to church worth it ... a song that I've not sung since waaaay back when, during Sunday school days... twas my favorite... Anyone identify?

It only takes a spark to get a fire going,
And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing;
That's how it is with God's Love,
Once you've experienced it,
Your spread His love to everyone
You want to pass it on.

What a wondrous time is spring,
When all the tress are budding
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming;
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it.
You want to sing, it's fresh like spring,
You want to pass it on.

I wish for you my friend
This happiness that I've found;
You can depend on God
It matters not where you're bound,
I'll shout it from the mountain top
I want the world to know
The Lord of Love has come to me
I want to pass it on.

You are gone
awhile
Though I cant text you
or call you
or even call you my friend
You are always in my thoughts
Sometimes it is
a memory of something we shared
Wondering if you remember
and hoping u dont
Other times it is
an incident in my life
that I imagine myself
telling you about
Or wondering what it would be like
If we were friends
.....
and today
I miss you

10 things

10 things i like about you:
1. You are crazy and funny
2. You are the most adventurous person i know
3. The sound of your voice....
4. Your daring and courage.
5. You are shrewd.
6. You are a believer and a doer.
7. You listen.
8. You love life.
9. You are full of ideas and surprises.
10. You are (almost) as much of a workaholic as I am.

10 things I admire about you
1. Your strength
2. Your virility
3. Your take-charge approach to matters
4. Your tastes
5. Your thorough maleness
6. Your intelligence
7. Your way with people
8. Your knowledge
9. Your perceptions
10. Your savviness.

In and Out of Time

by Maya Angelou

The sun has come
the mists have gone
we see in the distance
our long way home

I was always yours to have
you were always mine
we have loved each other
in and out of time

When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I have always loved you more

You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance
lost, injured, hurt by chance

I screamed to the Heavens
loudly screamed
trying to change our nightmares
into dreams

The sun has come
the mists have gone
we see in the distance
our long way home

I was yours to have
and you were always mine
we loved each other
In and out of time

---

I would never admit to anyone - ever - who i think of every time i read this poem